Napisal/a Sinatra, v torek, 04. dec. 07

Ocena urednika:    Ocena uporabnikov:      (2 glasov)

The frame of the still life that is brought by the intentional dare,
immortalizes your subsistence; existing once not so long ago,
the ravishing texture of your opulent light coloured hair,
even now,
arouse the very same shades which used to overflow.

Drip, drip...
Goes the red colour on the soil so rich of brown,
the picture you once portraid lays on the high-ceiling wall,
nevertheless in my mind you go on-
seizing the season in a time capsule which has gone,
away-
with your superior knowledge of the matters that truly count,
   -the woman that I am part of
   -the woman I cannot do withouth.

-in loving memory;
 till the ends of time

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Komentarji uporabnikov (4)

Objavil/a Providence, v 05-12-2007 01:49, 1. Lady First let me say congratulations. You've shown an extreme knowledge, skill and sensitivity in the vocabulary and syntax of this poem, provided of course that English is not your mother-tongue. I find the descriptions almost baroque, overloaded from time to time, yet full of colourful emotions and tasty metaphors. Within the latter reads the bottom line of the song, the love that was perhaps abruptly cut off but still lasts beyond the laws of mortality.  A few mistakes should be corrected: IN your old fathers' (plural?) chair, immortaliZES, without, and of course the title: Lady to WHOM I belong (which is for objects, not people).  To sum up, I think you've done great and I wonder if you have spent some time in UK/USA?  P.   Objavil/a Sinatra, v 05-12-2007 09:17, 2. True colours 2 answer 2 your quetion yes (for USA). I've been quite a few times, but more than that I've been to UK. My all time favourite country-besides SLO; of course...  Ja tako nekako. Prej sem začel z angleščino kot pa s slovenčnino, zato mi je 100krat lažje pisati v ang. Tako nekako #2.  Za naslov (whom/which) sem (spremenil) iz whom v which, zato, ker v bistvu gre za neživo stvar. Gre za spomin, navezo na preteklost v objemu čutnega obrisa osebe, ki je sprožila čutenje. Ampak odvisno...laho bi šlo pa tudi neposredno za to osebo. Popravil sem zato, da po "pravilno" tudi za druge. Ampak original bo ostal which...  Drugače pa imam več ang kot pa slo pesmi zato, če se pojavi še kakšna ang. boste razumeli. In ja tudi jaz mislim, da so te neprimerljivo boljše od slo. Hvala, da to opažaš in iskreno komentiraš. Kot lako domnevaš, to c e n i m.     -true colours from...    Sinatra   Objavil/a ajda, v 06-12-2007 15:22, 3. Lady in tako smo tisti, ki ne znamo dobro jezika, v katerem je napisana pesem, na nek nacin oropani za tisto, kar je pisoci zelel povedati. In razmisljati o prevodu je verjetno iluzija in sigurno odvzame pesmi nekaj naboja ali pa napoj, kot je v originalu, ce znanje "sepa". Ti kar "zavidam" Providence, da obvladas in ocitno je to tisto, ker je zasijalo 5 zvezdic....    lp, ajda   Objavil/a Yggradsil, v 10-12-2007 12:53, 4. lady,... Sem se le odločil napisat komentar. Podobe so prijetne za domišljijo, postopno stapljanje Nje z naslikano idilo, nevidni časovni preskok in optimizem v odsotnosti katarze dajejo pesmi edinstven čar. Nizanje verzov me rahlo spominja na "Ghost song", edini faktor z motečim potencialom je deja vu, ki ga doživim ob zadnjih dveh verzih, ne bo pa pojedel nobene zvezdice, ker se kljub rahli klišejskosti v pesem perfektno vklapljata.