Napisal/a isoncek, v nedelja, 24. feb. 08

Ocena urednika:    Ocena uporabnikov:      (1 glas)

Meeting you was like a storm
That strikes above my head,
Is like a bright light shining more
That all good things I had.
Knowing you is a mystery
That hurts more than a pain,
That makes me wait there thirsty
Like a plant that longs for rain.

Loving you is like a song,
I wish so much to write,
But although life does seem so long-
We'll always have to hide...
And you'll never really have me,
You'll not be here to see
That what we have and do and feel
Is Love and Fear to me.

I take this love,
it fills my heart
As nothing until now,
I accept the fear as a great start...
To - know myself somehow!
A Secret stands in a place of name
I don't dare to say at all.
My heart is full of you ...the same...
And Love prevails it all.

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Komentarji uporabnikov (2)

Objavil/a Providence, v 12-04-2008 00:03, 1. slightly common yet magical, mystic and attractive in its purposefulness and honesty.  Čestitke tudi k rimi in ritmu, temi pa ostajaš zvesta .  Popraviti bi veljalo:  - shining (sklepam, da si mislila shine, ne shin)  - more than, ne that  - more than I a pain??  - bes. red bi zamenjala: I wish so much to write  - what we have and do and feel is Love and Fear for me >>> si mislila tole: kar imava, počneva, čutiva, je zame Ljubezen in Strah? potem ni for me, ampak to me. For me pa zveni, kot da imata, čutita zate Ljubezen in Strah.  - in še ritem, ki se ti podre: to get to know myself somehow >>> get to izpustiš, pa je (ne čutim, da bi odvzela esenco verzu s tem izpustom)    Zadnji verz mi je pa najboljši!  P.   Objavil/a isoncek, v 12-04-2008 10:19, 2. slightly more common :) thx..   You are so very right.  Correction completed.    Kočijaž     PS: tisto "get to"  know... sem dodala pozneje, ja zelo poruši ritem, pa sem spet vrgla ven.     Hm, zadnji verz je nekaj, kar ne dopušča oscilacij, oziroma, če so, jih z gotovostjo pomiri...