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There once was Natisni Priporoči prijatelju
Napisal/a drejch, v sobota, 28. jun. 08
Ocena urednika:   
Ocena uporabnikov:      (1 glas)
 

There once were the dark
and the moon and the stars,
and there were the sea
and the wind and the pines.
And there was the music
as a shining white pearl
and there was a boy
and there was a girl.

One hand in the other,
a warm summer night,
red moon in the sky
and no one in sight.
A look in the eyes,
no one to miss,
thoughts clear as the sky,
their very first kiss.

Gentle and sweet like
like an innocent heart,
for the first time feeling
how love can unite.
not realising,
how much they're in love,
their souls close together,
but free like a dove.

But although in love
they had to part,
no matter the wish
they had in their hearts.
For living their lives
their love was the cost,
it made them see
what they had and they lost.

But times have changed
and they changed too,
while their love remained
so old, jet so new.
Not finding the right way
to find contact again,
but only their love
and their pain still remain.


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 Komentarji uporabnikov (2) KOmentar RSS
Objavil/a isoncek, v 30-06-2008 14:52,
1. there once was
Po vrsti: 
Če hočeš, popravi - 
worm(črv :) ), warm= toplo (noč) 
 
popravi še: 
snd= and 
 
ON the sky ( in ne in the sky) 
 
rima sky -sky (ista beseda za rimo??) 
 
briši en like, imaš dva.. 
 
 
all thought = although ( če misliš "kljub vsemu") 
 
what they had and they lost. (jaz bi brisala drugi they, nič ne poruši ritma) 
 
But times have changed 
and they changed too. 
But their love remained 
so old, jet so new.....tukaj bi pa brisala en but  
 
"not finding the right way to find" (tukaj bi bilo tudi treba najti novo rešitev, imaš 2x find) 
no pa še treji BUT imaš v zadnji kitici. 
 
Drugače pa, simpatična, ritmična pesmica. Popravila sem ti samo najbolj grobe napake. Se bi dalo še kaj najti, ampak ti ne bom več secirala .. 
 
Vse dobro. 
Kočijaž 
:)
 

Objavil/a drejch, v 30-06-2008 18:35,
2. re:...
hvala za popravke, isoncek ... tipkarske napake in nezbranost pač delajo svoje :D
 





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